My friend Kathy is an idiot…
It is true…I don’t say this with any intent to be insulting or mean. Kathy Landin is a selfproclaimed idiot. Not only is she and idiot, she is an idiot on a mission.
A few weeks ago there was an announcement that Charlie Sheen was looking for an intern in order to handle his social networking. Kathy, not knowing what she was getting into but being bored enough to send in an application, found herself one of 74,000 applicants. Soon she breezed through Round 1 and Round 2 of the process (being nothing more than paperwork really). Round 3 however required a video submission. Kathy rose to the challenge with her entry. This passed her on to Round 4. One of the 50 people that made it to Round 4.
Last week Kathy contacted me and asked if I would be able to help her with a video she was doing for her website. She needed me to write a parody of Eye Of The Tiger which chronicled her attempts to claim some of this famed substance (which will undoubtedly raise her stock in Sheen’s eyes). I (with the assistance of my wife, Kristy) wrote Blood Of The Tiger. Go to Kathy’s site and watch the resulting music video.
For your convenience, I’ve posted the lyrics to the song below:
Blood of the Tiger
Signin’ up, to work for the Sheen,
Kathy Landin needs money.
Do what she can to get back on her feet
Just a girl with no sense of shame.
Not the type for the easy way out.
Won’t get a job like some patsy.
This is it, waited all of her life,
Or at least for the last several weeks.
Chorus:
It’s the Blood of the Tiger
That will win her the fight,
Because their blood is better than her blood.
You know, I’m not quite certain
What’s the deal with that stuff,
But she’ll do what it takes to get Blood
Of the Tiger.
Eat the flakes, Reading the beat,
Bottom springs, tops of rubber.
Tried it all, even energy drinks,
But her type is still not quite feline.
Made some plans, bought some chew toys.
Try to bribe the striped kitty.
On her own, she can’t ask for no help.
All her friends bugged by her idiot quest.
Chorus:
Needs the Panthera Tigris.
It will win her the fight.
Because their blood is better than her blood.
You know, I’m not quite certain
What’s the deal with that stuff.
Oh, who cares?
Just give her some Blood
Of the Tiger.
Rising up, straight to the zoo.
Hemoglobin gets the glory.
Went the distance but the guard made her stop.
His attitude was O-Negative.
What’s the deal? She won’t hurt the cat!
Pretty sure it would kill her.
Just wants a bit of its tiger blood.
Why can’t he just spare one small drop?
Chorus:
Now it’s Blood of the House Cat
That will just have to do.
I mean, I think they’re related to tigers.
She’s all out of options
since she’s banned from the zoo.
She’s hoping they can’t tell it’s the Blood!
Of a house cat!